


i imagine life so much it feels more like a memory

by alsoalsowik



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: ...they still die, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Not A Fix-It, also some sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:15:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9121159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alsoalsowik/pseuds/alsoalsowik
Summary: In their final moments, Cassian sees an entire lifetime he won’t get to have in Jyn’s eyes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> posted to tumblr, too (baenakinskywalker)! i fell head over heels for this ship and the tragedy of it. they lend themselves so well to writing angsty what-if fic that i...couldn't really help myself. this is a little shorter than i usually write, but such a small moment didn't seem to warrant anything longer. please enjoy and leave a comment!

In their final moments, Cassian sees an entire lifetime he won’t get to have in Jyn’s eyes. Through her quick-pooling tears, he sees them,  _together_. Maybe someone comes to save them, or maybe the Death Star never quite makes it to Scarif to begin with -- Cassian isn’t sure. 

He sees them recovering, physically and mentally, leaning on each other until the fear and nightmares fade. Jyn winds up sleeping in his bunk to ward off lingering anxieties at her own insistence. Despite some initial reluctance, he agrees. Cassian’s nothing if not a gentleman in this fantasy. 

He sees himself falling, easily and whole-heartedly, in love with Jyn Erso. Nothing happens with them, apart from sleeping side by side, until the Death Star is finally destroyed, but then  _everything_  happens. Cassian kisses her when they get the news, deep and long-overdue. Her hand fists in his hair and he’s pretty sure she sighs his name into his mouth. In the early hours of the next morning, once the celebrations taper off, Jyn grabs him by the hand and leads him to his (their shared) bunk.

He sees them tangled in each other, struggling to fit together in a military-issued bed. Jyn shoves a hand unceremoniously down his pants while his lips chase the fast-fluttering pulse in her neck. She gets her calloused palm wrapped around his dick and Cassian sees all the stars the planet destroyer will never get the chance to annihilate. It’s rougher than is optimal -- dry skin on skin, nearly too much friction -- but the way she’s murmuring encouragement in his ear makes it work just fine. He tells her, low and strained, that she’d better stop if she wants anything more than a rushed handjob and a hickey out of tonight.

He sees himself flat on his back while Jyn lowers herself onto him, one hand planted firmly on his chest. She hisses once their hips are flush, her eyes fluttering closed so delicately that Cassian wouldn’t be able to guess why if he wasn't underneath her. Jyn makes the first real move, raising up just slightly and pressing down harder above his heart. His hips snap up to meet hers of their own accord and any notions Cassian had of this encounter being drawn out are gone. Soon, Jyn’s moans are too much, so he grabs at her ass to hold her still while he sits up. Cassian kisses her in a desperate attempt to not come embarrassingly early, but the new angle makes it even more difficult. By some goddamn miracle -- or his deft fingers working at her clit -- Jyn comes first, so intense that she bites down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. 

He practically tastes the iron on his tongue while he sees himself spilling inside of her. 

He sees them doing that a  _lot_. So often, in fact, that they have a kid. She’s unplanned, fiercely wanted, and a fighter. Their daughter comes into the world screaming with power enough to topple the Empire. Cassian’s coloring and Jyn’s everything else make for the prettiest baby anyone on the base has ever seen -- not that there’s a surplus of babies on the Rebel base to compare, but the sentiment stands. They name her after Jyn’s mother. Lyra Erso Andor winds up with a younger brother by the time she’s four and a half. 

He sees them marrying once the Empire is defeated, once and for all. They don’t get particularly dressed up -- Jyn wears the cleanest tunic she’s got and he borrows a shirt without rips and stains -- and their children stand right beside them. K-2 officiates with with all the candor he’s come to expect, but there’s something fresh and pure about the droid calling the bride a troublemaker on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Jyn laughs as they’re pronounced husband and wife. 

He kisses her and it feels so real that, for the briefest flicker of a moment, Cassian thinks it could be. But then Jyn’s (very real) fingers dig into his wrist, bringing him back to the last breaths he’ll ever take. Suddenly it’s too much. He looks into her eyes and sees _so_   _much_  there that he thinks -- hopes, more like -- she might be imagining the same things. 

Jyn grasps at his still-sore shoulders and presses her face into the crook of his neck. Cassian doesn’t even wince. He does the same, breathing in the scent of blood and dirt. When he closes his eyes, it isn’t because he’s afraid of what’s coming, it’s because it hurts not seeing that future with Jyn. 

Just before everything goes white-hot around them, Cassian thinks they might have just made that future a possibility for someone else. 


End file.
